I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
