maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
