I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
