I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
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