I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
