In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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