Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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