Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
