Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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