Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
She even gives head with a lisp.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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