He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
