im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
