Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
