I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
you inspire me to be a worse person
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
