didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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