evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
