dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
