Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
