....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
