she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
