Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
