You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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