i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
