Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
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