yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
