just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
