I think I won the penis lottery.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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