there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
