Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
