ya dads aren't the best wingmen
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
