i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Dear god my vagina.
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