I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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