I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
