how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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