Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
