is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
