the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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