This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
