She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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