my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I know her cup size but not her name....
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