you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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