Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
