Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
