Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
