Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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