You smell like a Billy Joel song
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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