sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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