I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
