You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
if only i could text you this smell
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
