How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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