Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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