did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
