im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
