when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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