You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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