you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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